The Talk

This is kind of random but I entered uncharted waters tonight with my daughter - we had 'the talk'.  The queen mother of all discussions - and truthfully, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Because I don't see her as often as I used to (and I really hate that) I'm concerned about her on many levels.  I know she is a great kid and is as pure as innocent as they come, but I still just don't get to visit with her like I used to.  In some ways it's better because now the time we spend together is more condensed - and by that I mean that it's more meaningful because we both know our time is limited so we often just cut to the chase.  She seems so much more mature and open - divorce has a funny way of breaking down some barriers.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, for the first time ever (as far as I know), the word 'sex' came out of her mouth as she was recounting a conversation she had heard at school.  I panicked.  She said it kind of non-chalantly like it was so 'yesterday's news' that she knew what that word that keeps fathers of young girls awake at night meant.  I let it slide right on by without any acknowledgement.  Yeah, I know - nice going moron.  I was not prepared to talk about that with my 13 year old daughter!  That's her mother's job, right?  Well, I no longer have any idea what they talk about and don't have the relationship with my (still-soon-to-be) ex-wife to be able to discuss such things with her and find out.  It had kind of been bothering me since I let it slide so I decided to take the plunge while I was down visiting her tonight.
I asked her, out of the blue, if she knew where babies came from.  I think it would have surprised her less if I had asked, 'Hey, wanna stop and rob this bank with me?  You drive, I'll shoot!'  She gave me one of those 'Dad, what are you doing?' looks but that didn't stop me.  I reminded her that I heard her say the word 'sex' recently and wondered what she knew about it.  I wasn't surprised that she wasn't excited to tell me - but she didn't want to talk about it at all.  I didn't know where to start so I just kind of vomited it all out.  I found out that she knew a lot less than I did at 13 but that she knew more than I thought she did.  I didn't go into a lot of detail but I gave her a pretty clear picture of how things work.  She kept saying 'that's gross', 'disgusting', and 'sick, dad'.  I assured her that some day she would think differently but that it was totally OK with me that she felt that way about it now - and for as long as she wants.  I mostly wanted to help her understand that a man who really loves her will never ask her to break the Lord's commandments - especially that one.  I'm really glad I talked with her about it because as we chatted I could feel barriers coming down.  If we can talk about that - then we can discuss just about anything.  My parting shot was this:
"Make sure you tell all your friends who are boys that your dad lifts weights everyday and has lots of guns and is especially proud of his 'disappearing boy friend kit' which is a 12 gauge shotgun and a shovel - and that he is always mumbling something about being able to make it look like an accident".
She just smiled and roller her eyes but I really think she understood how much I care about her and her happiness - and that I was only half kidding about the disappearing boyfriend kit...