On the evening of July 15, 2011, I was driving up 7200 South to Hillcrest High School when my phone rang. It was a neighbor calling to find out where I was. Crap! I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to be at a barbecue that night and was late. I wasn't just late, I wasn't going to make it at all. I was on my way to my 20th high school reunion, and though she didn't know it yet, I was on my way to see Laurie Hastings.
Laurie is in China and Thailand for 2-1/2 weeks to see her sister and I once again have idle time. Some of you have asked for the story behind how we ended up together so here it is:
The first time I saw Laurie (after high school) was a little over 3 years ago. April, Haley and I - along with Brady and Heather and their kids - were leaving Sweet Tomatoes on 13th east on our way to see a movie when I saw her sitting at a table with a young lady who I thought at the time was her daughter. I stopped to say hello but we were running late for the movie so we could only exchange cursory pleasantries. Laurie was a friend from high school with whom I had gone to girls pref when we were 16 and I felt bad that I wasn't even able to find out who was with her that night and how she had been doing for the last 18 years. She had friended me on Facebook a few months before that encounter so I sent her a little message apologizing for the shortness of our conversation and inquiring as to the identity of the young lady who was with her.
It turns out that the girl was her sister and not her daughter. That was when I discovered that Laurie was single. I didn't know at that point if she was divorced or had never married but I was shocked that she was single. Laurie was always one of those cute, friendly, bubbly girls that it was hard not to like - I wondered how it could be possible that she had not been swept off her feet by now.
The period in my own life at that time was just before we went to Louisiana for Marcus's birth so I did not give her anymore thought. In fact I didn't think about Laurie again until April of last year when I saw on my Facebook news feed that she had listed her condo for sale. My first thought was: 'Laurie's moving. Maybe she's getting married - she won't be single forever'. At that point April and I had been separated for 4 months and I was hoping to make progress on our divorce agreement but was still not remotely thinking of pursuing any type of relationship and frankly wasn't optimistic that another woman would want any part of my mess. Actually, I was very pessimistic at the time and had little hope for anything good happening on that front anytime soon - or ever, really. My daily life consisted of work, "sticking it to the devil" and talking to Haley nightly. It wasn't ideal but it was working. I thought to myself that, if I had to, I could live like this for a long time and was preparing myself for that eventuality.
I knew that my 20th high school reunion would be sometime in the summer though I had no idea exactly when or where and I really had no desire, based on the state of my personal life, to go. I did not want to have to repeatedly tell every old friend and acquaintance that my life was in the crapper and that I was in the middle of a divorce - not my idea of a good time. The truth is I didn't even know the details of the reunion until about a week before.
I started to think about the people from high school that I might want to see and realized that I could see most of them anytime I wanted. I kept up with most of them through Facebook anyway. I had a small social circle in high school. I see Knubel a couple of times a year at RSL games and I was certain that most of my other child hood/school friends would not be caught dead at a high school function. Yet, as the date approached, I had persistent thoughts of going and it was because there was a possibility that Laurie would be there. I started to wonder: was she still single? What was she up to? I hope it doesn't make me sound like a stalker but I found myself really wanting to know the answers to those questions.
About a week before the reunion I had committed to attending a backyard barbecue at a friend's because I was certain I was not going to any stupid high school reunion. The problem was I kept wondering about Laurie. I can't explain it. I really had no business thinking about her. If I could go and see her there and maybe talk with her - it would be an ideal venue to just casually catch up. On the other hand, if I went and she wasn't there - well, to me that would have been a waste of time. That was when I found out the organizers of the reunion had created a website for our graduating class. If you registered on the website it allowed you to post a small profile and indicate whether or not you intended to attend the reunion. So I signed up a couple of days beforehand and put a little blurb on it about what I was up to, that I was getting divorced, and that I would go to the reunion. I began to look through the directory of names to jog my memory as to who these people were that I had spent everyday with as a teenager. That was when I saw Laurie's name - and that she was going to be there. That was it. Suddenly I wanted to see her and find out her story. I wrestled with it for the two days leading up to it before deciding I would bite the bullet and go. That was why I forgot to call my friend and tell him I would miss the barbecue.
As I apologized to my friend and hung up the phone that night and approached the school I took a deep breath and asked myself what the crap I was doing. I was afraid to go in. "Webber, do you really want to subject yourself to this? You hated high school, you idiot!". I almost just turned around and left but somehow I found the strength to get out of the car and go inside.
It ended up being one of the best decisions I have ever made and was the beginning of me moving onto a better life than I ever imagined I could have. July 15, 2011 was the day the tide turned in my favor.
I am a pretty prompt person so of course I was one of the first 20-30 people there. I walked in with Dave Ulibarri, one of the funniest people I have ever known, and it helped to ease the tension. I asked him if he had eaten any watches or calculators lately (something I witnessed him do at Union Middle School). I saw some old friends and enjoyed chatting with them - more than I thought I would - but there was no sign of Laurie.
I watched the door occasionally to see if she had arrived as I continued to make conversation with old acquaintances. I started to get a major case of the butterflies and wondered if I had driven all that way for nothing.
Then I saw her. She walked in with Amy (Seal) Mullins and when I saw her the first thing I thought was "the years have been kind to Laurie Hastings". The second thing I thought was, "Webber, there is no chance this girl is going to want to even talk to you. Plus, you really have no business talking to her. You might as well just leave now!" At that moment I felt pretty stupid for even coming. She saw me so I just waved and said hello from a distance, I don't even know if she heard me say it, and then I just kind of walked off (idiot, nerdy, engineer!). It took me over an hour of useless conversations before I had the courage to walk over and talk to her. I had watched her move around the room and talk to people and was waiting for the right time. Laurie looked fantastic and until the day I die I will swear, that on that night, she had a halo. It was getting late so I figured it was 'now or never'. She was talking to Kiersten ( formerly Ruplinger). In fact, the beginning of my blog post titled "My Story Part III - on Poopheads and Surgery", was inspired by this encounter. And for the record, Kiersten was the one who called me a poop head - not Laurie . We made small talk, that for me, was a little uncomfortable (I will refer you back to the quote about engineers being "high functioning autistics who have no idea how normal people do stuff"). The talk soon turned to the status of our personal lives - so what do I do while talking to an old friend I haven't really talked to in over 20 years? I blurt out my entire life story without so much as taking a breath - April's surgery, the failed adoption, my divorce. When I finally came up for air I realized what I had done and was terrified that I had ruined everything before it even had a chance to get started. But you know what? She just stood there and listened. Not only did she listen but she heard what I said and empathized - not an ounce of judgement in any of her replies. I was so impressed by that. She had seen me once in 20 years and she treated me like a close friend she had seen the day before. Unbelievable. Once I removed my foot from my mouth and realized everything was OK, we actually had a very pleasant conversation. I found out the story behind Laurie's younger sisters (who are both in high school - at Hillcrest no less), her career as a nurse, her mission to Louisiana - and that yes, she was still single. We talked for about an hour (I think) and I felt something I had not felt in a long time - comfort in the company of a woman. I lingered for a long time not wanting the conversation to end. I could tell she was getting tired and that she wanted to leave but she had come with a friend (Shaunie) who was not ready to go. When she told her she wanted to go, Shaunie looked at me and said "why don't you take her home, Kevin?" I was a deer in the headlights. (At this point I feel like I should interject the fact that I had not seen April in seven months and knew there was never a chance of working things out with her). I would love to take her home. The problem was I wasn't officially divorced yet and it wasn't appropriate so I declined - and I'm sure Laurie would have been uncomfortable with it too. I'm glad I didn't pursue the idea because I think it would have spoiled things later on.
At one point in our conversation Laurie excused herself to talk to another of our classmates, Danae, who was recovering from breast cancer. Laurie explained that Danae had blogged her experience with cancer and that it had impressed her. For some reason that stuck with me. That was where I got the idea for my blog - from Laurie. I didn't start it until 6 weeks later but it was always in the back of my mind that someone had reached her in that way and she had been impressed - I just didn't realize at that point that I had anything worthwhile to write about...
I didn't want to wear out my welcome with her so I moved on. I continued to occasionally glance her way and became increasingly shocked that she had never married. This girl was the complete package. Smart, funny, kind, and pretty. I once told her (and still firmly believe) that she has it where it counts the most - a good heart, a great personality and a good head on her shoulders (the list is longer than that but you get the idea) - and that it was an added bonus that she was so beautiful.
I decided to leave but wanted to say goodbye to her. That was when I had my Lloyd and Mary "Dumb and Dumber" moment - the one that changed everything. As I was leaving I caught her eye, smiled and waved and that was when it happened - she waved back and flashed that 2-million-watt smile at me and it gave me hope...hope that even though it was a long shot that would take time - and whether she meant to or not - she was 'telling me there's a chance'...
The dorky guy might just have a shot, albeit a remote one, at the pretty girl. I left with more hope than I had had in a very long time.
My problem was that I wanted to talk with her more but I knew I couldn't. How could someone like me, in the situation I was in, even be considering such a thing anyway? I went home that night and wondered what I could do. The next morning I sent her a benign message through facebook saying how great it was to talk to and see her again, how much I appreciated her listening ear, and apologized for blabbing so much about my personal train wreck. I agonized over what to say but I knew I had to say something - I couldn't let her get away without taking a shot - so I took a chance.
She didn't answer until the next day. By then I was a basket case. Had I said too much? Did I creep her out? Was the FBI stalker task force already on their way to apprehend me?
No. She replied in classic, kind, non-judgemental Laurie fashion. She wrote back saying that it was alright and that it was "real life, and sometimes it's kind of rough". By then I had already written a rebuttal to my own message apologizing for the 'stalker-like' message and promised to never contact her again. But she said not to worry and that she would love to talk when the divorce was final. Suddenly I had hope. The storm was breaking. Just a few days after I saw Laurie, April and I had agreed to finally go to mediation in August. I thought I would be free to move on by the beginning of September. When my divorce was final I was going to be able to talk to Laurie Hastings! Little did I know it would be 4 very long months before I would be able to do it - but it gave me hope.
I knew that if I was going to end up with someone great like Laurie I would have to earn it. I had already been running and keeping myself busy since my separation but felt like I needed a little extra boost and suddenly I felt like I had something to work for. So I stepped up my exercise routine, threw myself at my church calling, and rededicated myself to everything I was doing well during the last few years that had helped me get through the tough times.
During that period of time I underwent a transformation of sorts. I lost 15 more lbs and 2 inches from my waist . I ran at least 20 miles per week and lifted weights almost every day - so much of that was coping with the ups and downs of the divorce process but a lot of it was also due to the fact that I had something to look forward to. I regained much of the confidence that divorce has a way of eroding. Divorce can make you feel like crap - even when it is justified and everyone involved is getting out of a bad situation. But as I shook off the bad feelings and concentrated on the future I felt better. When I would run I would envision the perfect girl for me and say 'I'm on my way and I'm almost there'. At some point Laurie's face began to personify that girl - especially her smile. I would see it when I was torturing myself on South Weber drive. I didn't know what it meant at the time but she had made a definite impression on me in just one evening.
Soon after I returned from Washington DC with Haley I had an overwhelming desire to share the experience but had no one to share it with. That was when I remembered that Laurie had been impressed by some one's ability to write - and it was a blog that had reached her. That was how my blog got started. Writing about our trip was therapeutic and reminded me how much I enjoyed writing. How it evolved into me sharing my mixed up story with the world at large is still a little bit of a mystery to me. I am a pretty private person - or at least I was :)
I do some of my best thinking while running. I don't know why that is but it's true. Most of the time I would listen to general conference and gained a great appreciation for it. Elder Holland gave a talk in April 2011 about conference itself. He said that if we listened well we would see that the Lord would send a "personal prophetic epistle, just to (us)". That is a true statement. There were two talks in particular that I felt were for me. Elder Christofferson's talk in April entitled "As Many as I Love I Rebuke and Chasten" and Elder Hales talk from October "Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will be Done". Both of these talks stopped me in my tracks while I was running and let me just say that it is hard (and dangerous) to run with tears in your eyes. It was during all of this running that I was able to process what had happened to me over the course of the last few years and why we sometimes have to suffer through things that we think we didn't sign up for. It was where all of my blog posts were born - pounding the pavement on South Weber drive almost everyday. It became my therapy. Run, think, write. Over and over again. The pain began to subside and hope began to return. Plus, there was the image of that magnificent smile emblazoned in my memory...
Meanwhile, I was surprised that it had taken 8 months for news of my impending divorce to circumnavigate the ward. People (especially women) would come up and say "I just heard about you and April - I had no idea!". I think part of it was that most of them hadn't seen April for two-and-a-half years already and that they didn't notice she was gone. Many of them would ask, "Are you ready to date? When you are, I know the perfect girl for you!" I would smile and say - "I have a blog, have her read it, and if she wants any part of this mess after she reads it then I'd be happy to talk to her." The funny thing is I didn't get a single taker. I began to feel that, despite my baggage and my shortcomings, I had a lot to offer. I had a good career and I had tried really hard to be a good man. If I fell out of the ugly tree, I at least didn't hit every branch on the way down. Surely someone would be interested! Still, I had no takers. I had even contacted one of the ladies myself and expressed interest, when my divorce was final, in meeting her. Still nothing. I got a little discouraged - I remember feeling a little disheartened that no one was interested at all - but now I know why because I shouldn't say no one was interested - because Laurie was...
I never told her directly about the blog though I hoped she would find it and be interested in it enough to read it. I kept her up to date through email, about once a month at first, on the status of my divorce but I never said a word about the blog. I posted a little blurb on Facebook telling all 89 of my FB friends that I had a blog and that it would be up for a while if anyone was interested in my story. I hoped she would find it but I didn't feel good about sending her a personal advertisement. I did however want her to know the story and to be warned up front what my situation was. I did not know if she was reading it or not but it turned out she was and that she had kind of stumbled across it.
On October 7th I received a message from her. She had found the blog, had read it - and the best part, she liked it. She had some very kind compliments and I took it as a sign from her that she really was interested in seeing me, when the time was right, and that she wasn't just being nice to me at the reunion. Once I found out she was reading it I began writing it as if I was writing it to her exclusively. I was looking forward to seeing her like nothing I had looked forward to for a very long time. I was just waiting for word that the judge had signed the decree. It took much longer than it should have but I believe that some things happen for a reason and that it just needed to take more time. It turns out that I was officially divorced on October 31 but didn't know it until November 7th (you would think that for $200/hr my lawyer could have been a little more on top of things!) The first thing I did when I found out was text Laurie and see if she was interested in having dinner with me. She was - and I have come to understand a little better what it means to wait upon the Lord and what the reward is when we do our best to be patient with His timetable. Elder Hales quoted the following scripture - which has become a personal favorite.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
I had no idea but I was about to experience what it feels like to 'mount up with wings as eagles'. I had promised some friends and family members that I would date at least 10 people but it became apparent very quickly that that was not going to be necessary...
